dream…

May 29th, 2008 by pocholocalimag

last night i dream’t of something very unsual… i saw a baby in a crib… i don’t know if it was a boy or a girl… it was smiling… or at least i thought it was… it wasn’t crying… i took it in my arms… it was looking at me… it looked so fragile… i then gave the baby a bath… that was it…

i was trying to look for its meaning on the internet… like what i used to do with my previous dreams… but i cant seem to find the meaning of it all… i asked a friend… she told me: "baka it means that subconsciously you are ready to start a new chapter in your life… or renewal of something"

maybe she is right… i like her interpretation… "a new chapter"… what do you think it means?… maybe its telling me that i am ready to become a father!… haha… or maybe not… maybe its telling me of my responsibilities… or my immaturity… i really don’t know…

Did I make it that easy…

May 28th, 2008 by pocholocalimag

I heard this song on the radio this morning at around 4
am… and the lyrics continued to play in my head until i fell asleep… i
didn’t get the title… then i asked around and finally a friend gave me the
song itself… she was the right person to ask bout those kinds of songs now…

"Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do"

nice lyrics… nice song… it hits you at that right spot… i wouldn’t
recommend listening to it on a cold rainy day… you might think of crazy
things to do… and I mean crazy
stuff…

"I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and I’m haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?"

how easy can it be to let someone be part of your life one time and gone the
next?… you see them in your dreams… then it haunts you for the longest
time until you become numb eventually… how i wish we could know who
would hurt us; so we’d not dare go near them and furthermore love them… so we
always end up saying goodbye to an almost lover… sometimes the best thing you
could do for the one you love is to stay out of their business…   

ala lng…

May 28th, 2008 by pocholocalimag

lapit na ang pasukan… can’t wait… pero gusto ko pa ng huling hirit before the vacation ends…

an essay…

May 25th, 2008 by pocholocalimag

An essay to
describe oneself is a difficult task; as a person becomes biased of himself and
talks of his strong points and achievements. But it is in pointing out these
strong aspects that one realizes his true potential as an individual and to
what extent he can be of value to others. So let me start of with an
introduction of myself; I am Andrew Peter Patawaran- Calimag, the second child
in a brood of eight, an incoming third year medical student and a true-gold
full-blooded Thomasian. I was practically brought up in the confines of the
institution and am still being nurtured by it. As the years went by that I have
been a student of this tradition I have grown and developed, imbued with the
core values of competence, commitment and compassion.

I am a very
quiet person, who enjoys moments of solitude but still treasures moments with
family and friends. Some of my closest friends would beg to disagree that I’m a
hushed individual; some would even say that I’m the funny man of the group. I
may be your joker but I can be serious when the situation calls for it. I am
pretty much a laid-back type of person who never stresses on the difficulties
life has to offer but finds ways to work around these challenges and take them
as part of the learning process. I am not the perfect son, can have the
stubbornness of a child beyond compare and I insist on what I think is right or
at least what I like; which gets me into trouble at times. I do things on my
own time. But I have come to grasp the reality that I should become more
flexible if I have to work with people.  

I would like to
view myself as a late-bloomer in some aspects of my life particularly with
regards to my studies. As a child, I never realized that doing good in my
curricular activities could open doors of opportunities. I was often seen
playing around, sleeping endlessly and whines when being forced to do homework.
I never really knew what came over me and sparked my interest in doing well in
class but once I got to taste the fruits of my labor, I now strive to make good
in all my undertakings. Encouragement from my parents and peers helped a lot
when rough times come by. I am thankful for them.

I think the
people around me saw my capabilities and potentials and they started to give me
responsibilities. At first I was afraid of taking on these “burdens” but later
on found them to be opportunities to make myself better. In high school I
joined the Boy Scouts of the Philippines and from there I learned to become a
follower before I can be a leader. Before I was a mere scout then eventually
became one of the officers of the organization. This taught me how to become
part of a team and become committed to its mission and vision.

College came and
I decided to become part of the Red Cross Youth Council – Pharmacy Unit. From
there I became a more compassionate individual, seeing first-hand the situation
of our less fortunate brethren during our regular outreach programs. I also
realized that helping others is a rewarding experience. From being a mere
member of the RCYC; I became the head of a committee along with some of my
friends; as the advisers saw our dedication to the cause of the organization.

During my
medical technology internship at the UST-OPD; I was assigned as one of the
group leaders tasked to handle a number of medical technology interns. It prepared
me for the following rotation at the Philippine Heart Center; were I was
assigned by the internship coordinator as the head of all the medical technology
interns from UST as well as those coming from other institutions. It was no
easy task for I was in an environment outside my Alma Mater and I was carrying
its name with me. It was no stroll in the park, I’ll tell you that, but
eventually I got the hang of it and enjoyed every moment.

Eventually I
graduated with a B.S. in Medical Technology, though without any laureate to
brag, I was happy and fulfilled because I know in my heart I am as competent as
any of them. Armed with the knowledge, skills and a lot of faith in the
Almighty; I knew was ready to take on the challenges of medical school. My
first year in medicine was an adjustment phase yet I was determined to do well
in class and pass the board examination all at the same time. It’s a mere
balancing act wherein I dedicated my free time reviewing and the remaining time
catching up with the lessons at hand. But in the end I passed the board and my
first year in medicine with flying colors.

During my second
year in medicine; I did the same balancing act; studying and being able to lead
the student body as PRO of the Medicine Student Council. I had my short comings
at times but I make sure I make-up for them. In the end of the school year I
learned that I was doing well with my studies and I am happy of my achievements
in both fields.   

I am a young lad
determined to excel in whatever I set my mind to. Trying to challenge myself to
do better; regardless of the outcome; I know I put my best effort into it. I am
proud of what I have achieved. These are some the experiences and
accomplishments that have molded me to what I have become today. With my
continuing medical education in UST; I know would be a compassionate, committed
and competent physician in the near future.  

insomniac…

May 20th, 2008 by pocholocalimag

2… its the number of days that i haven’t got a decent sleep… i just stared blankly into the dark space… listening to the radio… iam really not thinking of anything or anyone… its just plain weird… maybe my biological clock sensed that school is fast approaching and decided to jumpstart into my "school mode"…

iam back…

May 10th, 2008 by pocholocalimag

after so long iam back to blogging… its not that i have more time now than before, its just my choice not to… we’ll iam here…

when u have that feeling that u want to write something; alot comes to mind but when you’re finally there all u can write is nothing… haha…

it has been a very interesting summer… for one thing we don’t have "helpers" around, so we have been doing all the chores… i realized that i can do alot… hehe… its a tiring job but someones gotta do it… iam your all around guy…

it won’t be summer if you haven’t been to the beach… and i got alot of beach action… haha… i have been to pundakit with my college budddies, to pagudpud with PBB-PSA med mission team, and to roxas-iloilo-bacolod…

i had so much tym for myself… ive been alone a couple of times… and so many things run thru my mind during those times… realizations, dreams, what ifs and all sorts of other stuff…

what can one do during so many free time?… besides house chores, ive been doing some boxing, reading a book, sleeping alot, watching dvds and tv, the usual checking of mail and other internet accounts… what more can one do?…

i want to go out again… its like iam getting house dementia!… iam getting to much of the house… but when iam out i want to go back to my home… i really dont know what i want sometimes… hehe…

iam i talking nonsense here? iam just writting down that comes to mind… theres still a few more days before classes start again… cant wait to go back to school, so that everything would go by so fast and before u know it; its another year…

hey…

December 28th, 2007 by pocholocalimag

i still see you in my dreams… im consciously trying to forget but it seems my subconscious still holds on to your memories…

bye…

November 5th, 2007 by pocholocalimag

there are times that i miss you so badly… nasanay na kse ako na palagi nandyan para sayo… i feel so incomplete… pagising ko, ndi ko na mababasa ang "good mornin’ mr.calimag!"… kapag lumalabas ako ala na magpapaalala na "lakwatsero ka!"… ala ako sa bday ng aso "natin" na inangkin mo na… ndi na ako makakagawa ng reasons just to see you… i miss myself kapag kasama kita… the feeling that i can do anything… mamimiss na ako ng lola mo… matatagalan bago ko sya ulit mabibisita… i bet hahanapin ako nun syo… i still see you in everything that i do… minsan lumalayo ang isipan ko… mahirap makalimot… khit na we both decided na lumayo sa isa’t-isa to make it "easier" to move on… pero mahirap talaga… ewan… dunno until when i will be like this, time can only tell… mahirap naman pilitin kung ndi talaga pwede… iam sorry for making things very complicated for the both of us… thanks for bearing with me… thanks for letting me into your life… thanks for making me feel special… thanks for listening to me kapag ala ako makausap kahit madaling araw… thanks for being my conscience and confidante… thanks for trusting me… thanks for the friendship, khit hangang dun lang…  thanks for letting me love you… thanks for everything… i just want to say bye to you… if we see each other, please smile… i just want to see you happy tulad ng palagi kong sinasabi sayo… maybe when the time you’re ready and we haven’t found that someone, just maybe, can we try again?… sorry kung talagang makulit ako [hopeless roamantic]… i think i’ve lost a lot when i wanted to have more than what we had… bye…

happy birthday?…

October 29th, 2007 by pocholocalimag

yesterday was my 22nd year on the face of the planet… nothing out of the ordinary… just a typical day… one’s birthday should be a special day, right?… people reminding you to be happy on that day… thanking them for the greeting which is obviously a reminder that you’re not happy… mine was the saddest day of all… i never expected this… the feeling of emptiness… all sorts of stuff entered my mind… that person you want to be with isn’t there by your side… the feeling was overwhelming, a burden too heavy… until now i feel more sad… a part of me wants to let go cause it hurts… the other part wants to go on for it knows no other… does the saying " the more special you treat someone, the more that someone takes you for granted?" hold any truth to it?… if it does how should we treat the people we love?… treat them just like everbody else?… how will they know you love them?… someone told me it was just the birthday blues, if so, i don’t want another birthday to come…

friday nd saturday…

August 27th, 2007 by pocholocalimag

after a very tiring week full of sleepless nights combined with the toxicities of med, finally its friday!… That night we ate a lot at a chinese resto in banaue! I think it was part reward and part comfort food for the successes and failures incurred the past week… I slept like a baby that night…

Saturday morning came… Woke up early… Went home and got the car… Went to fetch rhice for a movie… on the way to her house i got lost… i later on found out that i was in marilao, bulacan… We watched 2 movies that day… A tear jerker ["a love story" - umiyak lng sya dahil na feel nya yung concern nung gay friend!] and a comedy with substance ["evan almighty" -  she laughed her heart out!]… we ate razon’s halo-halo [finally we found it! we've been looking for razon's since the summer vacation]… We got home to her place around past 9 or 10… her mom asked why we came home late… i was not speaking [hehe! pero ndi naman nagalit]… I was on my way home, a phone rang… an unfamiliar sound… it was not mine… Realizng that she left her phone in my car, i went back to her house… It was a tiring [driving] yet happy [spending time with her] day for me, i hope it was for her too!…